Ataraxia in Edit

Lately, my Second Life has consisted of the following:

Being sick in Real Life, which makes me ineffective and inefficient in world. (lots of starting things and then not finishing them. I hate that.)

Trying so very, very hard to be patient. Which is zapping my social energy. Which I hate.

And building/fiddling:

Building/fiddling has become the equivalent to doodling during class. A sort of zen state I fall into that makes me calm, and serene, but a social jerk. I don't mean to shun people socially, I'm not hiding in my alt, so much as I am building her house down to the finest detail. But I find, I need that sort of ataraxia

RP has always been a sort of Ataraxia for me too. I want to be running around and RPing until we all die, because I love our sim so very, very much. This is where the patience part comes in, I can't do much of that until other stuff is done.

Friends of mine (you know who you are) suffer from builders guilt. Which is described to me as feeling as if you could be busy building something, and guilty for not doing it while socializing. I have something similar, I have a social guilt that comes when I am lost in building and fiddling with things.

That's all I have to say about that.

[Edited to add]

I am trying to figure out what goals, if any, I want to acheive when it comes to the things that I build. Do I want to be a merchant, or just create for myself? I'm not so much torn over the subject, as I am confused based on my own fears, desires, actions and thoughts.

There seems to be some sort of satisfaction that comes along with making a product and having it in a shop, and maybe selling enough to make rent. at the same time I recoil from the idea of having to support my products, my relaxation time being interrupted with complaints or requests.

The worst, is a fear that if I make something, and for some reason that script fucks up in the package (It's happened to me before!) I look like an ass and I have to fix it and I might not have the nerve or time.

I opened a group for a store with a cheesy predictable name I might change. I have a shop space rented in RPM. I don't know if I am ever going to use them, if I should get rid of them so I can focus on personal and sim projects only without the pressure of doing nothing.

That's all I have to say about that.