Even though I still check my mail daily, I have not been in world for days. I hate to admit that the reason is probably because I ran out of lindens, when some building projects got stuck. Sad, because those are the things I log in for now? Where are those days when I logged in, in the morning, with a sense of purpose? And again in the evening to reap the benefits of a simple, but sweet, social life and RP life?
I find myself asking, if those days are gone, and have been since January 29th, 2012.
Even though I have land (which I intend to keep) and (we) have put a lot of work into putting an RP worthy space up there, I am feeling numb about it right now. I have no intentions of getting rid of my land, or taking down the build.
But lets face it, the only thing that is there right now, is that build, and probably some confused people. I am not "physically" present, but I am also not present mentally or emotionally.
I am starting to wonder if I just need Asterinissa (what was formerly known as The Seven Isles) to "exist" even if I can't seem to make it live.
On a personal level, It's not a lot of fun, anymore. I love my friends, and enjoyed their company so much I couldn't let go. But so much of that doesn't exist in world for me, so the rewards I felt are non-existent.
Things (in world) are pretty lonely now. I still love Second life and do not intend to leave. But I just don't know if I can run a decent RP on my own. I have to be delighted by it, and inspired by it.
It has been hard to let go. All the work, and creation, and such, it is so precious to me. But where is my inspiration, and my passion? Is it going to come back?
I don't know. In the meantime, I will keep the land and see if it does.
Showing posts with label Waxing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Waxing. Show all posts
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
If I had to do it all again...
Eacen and I were in our kitchen cooking dinner together a few nights ago trying to brainstorm some ideas to give our main accounts some new direction or new life. Eaken and Korinna are a little stale, at least for us, but we want to keep our characters fresh and relevant, truly.
I asked him -- just for fun -- What he would do in Second Life if he was given the chance to start over. His answer warmed my heart as well and got me thinking. He said. "I'd like another shot at being a Centaur. I feel like we started admining before I got the chance to do that."
He's right. While we were able to come up with a back story for both of us, it was heavily influenced by needing to help the RP, in fact they were quite different characters when we started (Hence the name changes).
He wouldn't want to be anything than an retired officer turned blacksmith, but he would have liked do it differently. He didn't know how, I mean... he's just a bloke, really. *ducks*
It occured to me the other day while browsing over character applications, that a lot of people who come to RP to a sim, have a great opportunity to present themselves to the group as they want to be presented. Don't get me wrong, presenting one's self can be intimidating and difficult. But it is an opportunity that one should seize, because it is here where you get to set your own momentum.
I can not help but notice, that people take advantage of the flexability of second life, move on and reinvent themselves constantly. People who are not tied to one sim, have a lot of room to reinvent, or go with a different character entirely. Sometimes several at a time.
So now I find myself, asking myself what would I do if I had the opportunity to walk into my own sim, and start our character(s) over fresh? Now that the sim is settled, the sim is full, and the sim has the capacity for Role-players; what would I do, if I could?
I find that, like Eaken, I would still be Korinna. An Epimeliad coming back to her birthplace in the Seven Isles, after years wandering around in a retinue of revelers devoted to the Wine God, until she settled down with a Centaur officer. I'd have let her be a priestess in a small humble temple where she learned the rites that called to her. I would have them come by ship, Korinna Ill and weak having been separated from her tree for so long, with or without her infant daughter.
We could come in Armour for him, and full Chiton and Himnation robes for me, before we traded them for aprons and heavy gloves.
I would have roleplayed her recovery, and being reunited with her sister who was raising her kids there. I would have confronted her with the mystery of her mother going from Hamadryad to full tree. I would have spent more time cuddling with my Centaur, had more intimate time with him (Not sexual. We have RL sex with RL privacy!) I would have gotten to know his Centaur while he got to know him too.
We could Roleplay choosing our home, and setting up from humble beginnings.
And maybe, more of the real Eaken would have been able to Roleplay his own experiences, coming to an island much different than his own, one that lacks laws and the level of civilization he was used to. Maybe more people would have seen he has a gentle soul behind that crass and bad sense of humor. Maybe we'd see a fierce side of him that emerges only when his family or land is threatened.
If I had the opportunity to do this months back, I could have re-roleplayed her pregnancy, this time as a first time mother with grave concern how a Centaur pregnancy would turn out. I could be inexperienced, but gaining confidence. More approachable, less authoritative.
But most of all, I would like to have loved the time to be absorbed in my Centaur partner, A knight of a man who needed no horse. Strength, with Honour as well as thought and skill.
The Centaur and the Epimeliad
The warrior and the Maenad
The Officer and the Priestess
The Potter and the Blacksmith
The Mother and the Father
We could have been all of these things. Perhaps we should have. Perhaps we are in our pasts, but to feel them as our present... it could have been wonderful.
I asked him -- just for fun -- What he would do in Second Life if he was given the chance to start over. His answer warmed my heart as well and got me thinking. He said. "I'd like another shot at being a Centaur. I feel like we started admining before I got the chance to do that."
He's right. While we were able to come up with a back story for both of us, it was heavily influenced by needing to help the RP, in fact they were quite different characters when we started (Hence the name changes).
He wouldn't want to be anything than an retired officer turned blacksmith, but he would have liked do it differently. He didn't know how, I mean... he's just a bloke, really. *ducks*
It occured to me the other day while browsing over character applications, that a lot of people who come to RP to a sim, have a great opportunity to present themselves to the group as they want to be presented. Don't get me wrong, presenting one's self can be intimidating and difficult. But it is an opportunity that one should seize, because it is here where you get to set your own momentum.
I can not help but notice, that people take advantage of the flexability of second life, move on and reinvent themselves constantly. People who are not tied to one sim, have a lot of room to reinvent, or go with a different character entirely. Sometimes several at a time.
So now I find myself, asking myself what would I do if I had the opportunity to walk into my own sim, and start our character(s) over fresh? Now that the sim is settled, the sim is full, and the sim has the capacity for Role-players; what would I do, if I could?
I find that, like Eaken, I would still be Korinna. An Epimeliad coming back to her birthplace in the Seven Isles, after years wandering around in a retinue of revelers devoted to the Wine God, until she settled down with a Centaur officer. I'd have let her be a priestess in a small humble temple where she learned the rites that called to her. I would have them come by ship, Korinna Ill and weak having been separated from her tree for so long, with or without her infant daughter.
We could come in Armour for him, and full Chiton and Himnation robes for me, before we traded them for aprons and heavy gloves.
I would have roleplayed her recovery, and being reunited with her sister who was raising her kids there. I would have confronted her with the mystery of her mother going from Hamadryad to full tree. I would have spent more time cuddling with my Centaur, had more intimate time with him (Not sexual. We have RL sex with RL privacy!) I would have gotten to know his Centaur while he got to know him too.
We could Roleplay choosing our home, and setting up from humble beginnings.
And maybe, more of the real Eaken would have been able to Roleplay his own experiences, coming to an island much different than his own, one that lacks laws and the level of civilization he was used to. Maybe more people would have seen he has a gentle soul behind that crass and bad sense of humor. Maybe we'd see a fierce side of him that emerges only when his family or land is threatened.
If I had the opportunity to do this months back, I could have re-roleplayed her pregnancy, this time as a first time mother with grave concern how a Centaur pregnancy would turn out. I could be inexperienced, but gaining confidence. More approachable, less authoritative.
But most of all, I would like to have loved the time to be absorbed in my Centaur partner, A knight of a man who needed no horse. Strength, with Honour as well as thought and skill.
The Centaur and the Epimeliad
The warrior and the Maenad
The Officer and the Priestess
The Potter and the Blacksmith
The Mother and the Father
We could have been all of these things. Perhaps we should have. Perhaps we are in our pasts, but to feel them as our present... it could have been wonderful.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
The Village Blacksmith
Under a spreading chestnut-tree
The village smithy stands;
The smith, a mighty man is he,
With large and sinewy hands;
And the muscles of his brawny arms
Are strong as iron bands.
His hair is crisp, and black, and long,
His face is like the tan;
His brow is wet with honest sweat,
He earns whate'er he can,
And looks the whole world in the face,
For he owes not any man.
Week in, week out, from morn till night,
You can hear his bellows blow;
You can hear him swing his heavy sledge,
With measured beat and slow,
Like a sexton ringing the village bell,
When the evening sun is low.
And children coming home from school
Look in at the open door;
They love to see the flaming forge,
And hear the bellows roar,
And catch the burning sparks that fly
Like chaff from a threshing-floor.
He goes on Sunday to the church,
And sits among his boys;
He hears the parson pray and preach,
He hears his daughter's voice,
Singing in the village choir,
And it makes his heart rejoice.
It sounds to him like her mother's voice,
Singing in Paradise!
He needs must think of her once more,
How in the grave she lies;
And with his hard, rough hand he wipes
A tear out of his eyes.
Toiling, -- rejoicing -- sorrowing,
Onward through life he goes;
Each morning sees some task begin,
Each evening sees it close;
Something attempted, something done,
Has earned a night's repose.
Thanks, thanks to thee, my worthy friend,
For the lesson thou hast taught!
Thus at the flaming forge of life
Our fortunes must be wrought;
Thus on its sounding anvil shaped
Each burning deed and thought.
-The Village Blacksmith
--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Before my Husband even revealed his smithy soul to me, (Which is a real life thing too, btw. He's a metal smith without a smithy) I've loved this poem since I first heard it. I swear I can smell the leaves of that spreading chestnut tree, feel the coolness of the shade and the heat from the forge.
The village smithy stands;
The smith, a mighty man is he,
With large and sinewy hands;
And the muscles of his brawny arms
Are strong as iron bands.
His hair is crisp, and black, and long,
His face is like the tan;
His brow is wet with honest sweat,
He earns whate'er he can,
And looks the whole world in the face,
For he owes not any man.
Week in, week out, from morn till night,
You can hear his bellows blow;
You can hear him swing his heavy sledge,
With measured beat and slow,
Like a sexton ringing the village bell,
When the evening sun is low.
And children coming home from school
Look in at the open door;
They love to see the flaming forge,
And hear the bellows roar,
And catch the burning sparks that fly
Like chaff from a threshing-floor.
He goes on Sunday to the church,
And sits among his boys;
He hears the parson pray and preach,
He hears his daughter's voice,
Singing in the village choir,
And it makes his heart rejoice.
It sounds to him like her mother's voice,
Singing in Paradise!
He needs must think of her once more,
How in the grave she lies;
And with his hard, rough hand he wipes
A tear out of his eyes.
Toiling, -- rejoicing -- sorrowing,
Onward through life he goes;
Each morning sees some task begin,
Each evening sees it close;
Something attempted, something done,
Has earned a night's repose.
Thanks, thanks to thee, my worthy friend,
For the lesson thou hast taught!
Thus at the flaming forge of life
Our fortunes must be wrought;
Thus on its sounding anvil shaped
Each burning deed and thought.
-The Village Blacksmith
--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Before my Husband even revealed his smithy soul to me, (Which is a real life thing too, btw. He's a metal smith without a smithy) I've loved this poem since I first heard it. I swear I can smell the leaves of that spreading chestnut tree, feel the coolness of the shade and the heat from the forge.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
My poor brain and alternate personalities.
I was going to try and pimp up my blog a bit when I moved to Wordpress, do some IC posts, that sort of thing. But I am finding myself very self conscious about writing in public. You see, I used to be a very, very good writer. No, seriously, I was. I have several novels sitting on my hard drive, and just because they are not published does not make them terrible. For a while, I even had a following of readers, and while it was not many, they were all intelligent people who I was flattered to have the attention and praise of.
Whether it be my medications, or the inevitable slight decline of my cognitive function as a result of my illness, I notice I don't write as well as I used to. Every time I write a sentence that only makes sense to me, or reads wrong to someone else, I cringe. This is just in day to day communications. Then again, there has always been a difference between how I write/blog, and how I write/storytell. I think I am as good a Storyteller as I ever have been, it's just the technical function I struggle with these days.
So I don't know. Maybe I will give myself the permission to suck again (as I did when I first started writing in front of people) and give it another go. Given that I am also trying to teach myself how to spell in a different dialect, I might just need to choose my battles carefully.
But in Second Life we live in a very shallow world. Even those of us who are deep beautiful people snigger at other people's faux pas and "Fashion don'ts." So giving yourself permission to suck is about as bad as walking around with a freenis sticking out of the front of your poorly adjusted prim tutu.
Anyway... Second Life has been quiet for me, and yet busy. I am craving some RP really badly, and while I am not calling anyone out**, I wish all the people who complain about the lack of RP would show up and do some. Mmm Kay, we don't have grid cryers, guilds, (Or dozens of micromanaged social groups for those guilds) we do not fight except in designated places, and then, rarely. These are the things that supposedly define "serious RP" and if I wanted "Serious RP" there would be dozens of other places I could go.
But I wouldn't be happy, just as dozens of people in Second Life are not happy with the politics and drama and bickering that happens in their RPs. You people are out there, I know you are, I've spoken to you. I'm just not seeing you, in order to create this alternate RP environment we want to provide and enjoy.
Seriously, people don't realize the impact they have on RPing, just by showing up and doing some. or Showing up and being *available* for some. I have learned that in Second Life, the Best RPers happen to be the ones who are most excluded from RP.
Child Avatars. Yes, they can be annoying when they are done with a lot of baby babble, yes, they even creep people out (though I theorize that has more to do with the Elder individual) but they never let down the RP, because to do so, is to walk away from what their Avatar is. I don't mind confessing that recently Eacen and I created a set of Child Alts so we could participate in some of the kid activities happening around the isles. And what an enlightening experience it has been, to see what good RPers other Child Avatars are, even if they are just dancing or splashing around in a puddle, after all, this is what children do.
My Point? I wish adults had the ability to let go of themselves a bit in world, and get in touch with the avatars they spend so much money and time on pimping out. I am as guilty of this as anyone (and it is hard when work is involved, to be a tree-lady) but I am trying. I don't know who reads this beyond a few close friends, but I would hope that if someone does, they'd realize how valuable their character ideas and imaginations are In world. Yes, your Real Lives are important too, and I like knowing the Real Life people as much as anything.
I just wish I knew some of your characters. :p
** I loathe passive agressive cattyness on blogs. Was involved with a group of bloggers who excelled at it for years. What a way to ruin someone's sanity. Please note this is not my intent.
Whether it be my medications, or the inevitable slight decline of my cognitive function as a result of my illness, I notice I don't write as well as I used to. Every time I write a sentence that only makes sense to me, or reads wrong to someone else, I cringe. This is just in day to day communications. Then again, there has always been a difference between how I write/blog, and how I write/storytell. I think I am as good a Storyteller as I ever have been, it's just the technical function I struggle with these days.
So I don't know. Maybe I will give myself the permission to suck again (as I did when I first started writing in front of people) and give it another go. Given that I am also trying to teach myself how to spell in a different dialect, I might just need to choose my battles carefully.
But in Second Life we live in a very shallow world. Even those of us who are deep beautiful people snigger at other people's faux pas and "Fashion don'ts." So giving yourself permission to suck is about as bad as walking around with a freenis sticking out of the front of your poorly adjusted prim tutu.
Anyway... Second Life has been quiet for me, and yet busy. I am craving some RP really badly, and while I am not calling anyone out**, I wish all the people who complain about the lack of RP would show up and do some. Mmm Kay, we don't have grid cryers, guilds, (Or dozens of micromanaged social groups for those guilds) we do not fight except in designated places, and then, rarely. These are the things that supposedly define "serious RP" and if I wanted "Serious RP" there would be dozens of other places I could go.
But I wouldn't be happy, just as dozens of people in Second Life are not happy with the politics and drama and bickering that happens in their RPs. You people are out there, I know you are, I've spoken to you. I'm just not seeing you, in order to create this alternate RP environment we want to provide and enjoy.
Seriously, people don't realize the impact they have on RPing, just by showing up and doing some. or Showing up and being *available* for some. I have learned that in Second Life, the Best RPers happen to be the ones who are most excluded from RP.
Child Avatars. Yes, they can be annoying when they are done with a lot of baby babble, yes, they even creep people out (though I theorize that has more to do with the Elder individual) but they never let down the RP, because to do so, is to walk away from what their Avatar is. I don't mind confessing that recently Eacen and I created a set of Child Alts so we could participate in some of the kid activities happening around the isles. And what an enlightening experience it has been, to see what good RPers other Child Avatars are, even if they are just dancing or splashing around in a puddle, after all, this is what children do.
My Point? I wish adults had the ability to let go of themselves a bit in world, and get in touch with the avatars they spend so much money and time on pimping out. I am as guilty of this as anyone (and it is hard when work is involved, to be a tree-lady) but I am trying. I don't know who reads this beyond a few close friends, but I would hope that if someone does, they'd realize how valuable their character ideas and imaginations are In world. Yes, your Real Lives are important too, and I like knowing the Real Life people as much as anything.
I just wish I knew some of your characters. :p
** I loathe passive agressive cattyness on blogs. Was involved with a group of bloggers who excelled at it for years. What a way to ruin someone's sanity. Please note this is not my intent.
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